Harlem Shakedown (Taaag Nore!)

[what_fourth_wall]

Deadpool checked his entire loadout on his body a third time, taking inventory. He was armed to the teeth. Literally. He'd put in his most blinged out razor grill so that he could chomp some bastards if necessary. The top teeth said "DEAD" and the bottom ones said "YEEEAAAAAH". Don't judge. He got a deal on it because L'il Jon was upgrading his, and that was during a bad month of merc work. It was either have it that way instead of "POOL" or no way at all. He kept meaning to get the "POOL" half, but kept putting it off for this or that reason. This month it had been about the extra ammunition for this job. After all, it wasn't every day that you went to rob your girlfriend.

(She said she wasn't a girlfriend yet.)

Oh yeah. Well, the woman you were dating. Either way, this was going to get really ugly, and he wanted to be absolutely prepared. Everything was going to have to run just perfectly, because her life was on the line. She didn't fully realize it, but he figured she'd gotten some of the hint when he'd told her during their date to be sure she held a lot of her resources back instead of sending them at him. It had to be enough to look good and to make it seem like she wasn't holding enough back, even though anyone actually watching would know she wasn't trying to rip apart her red knight for real.

"Alright, deep breath." He took a deep breath. "Here we go."

Without further ado, he teleported to her lab. His first stop was her sound system, which he plugged his iPod into and started up the Harlem Shake. Why? Well, because what better way to have her lab see him as a threat? Seriously. He was doing the effing Harlem Shake there. He kind of deserved to be mauled. But!!! Not until the drop in the beat! If he was mauled before the drop in the beat, he'd be kind of ticked off. Surely he'd have about thirty seconds to just break it down with his funky dance moves, though. He teleported out into an open space and started doing just that right as the song started.

Once he was sure he had the attention of everything in her lab, the beat dropped and things did swing into motion. It was time to find his lady love and gank exactly the shit she wanted him to gank. And then maybe steal a kiss too, for good measure. But first he'd have to deal with what her lab was throwing at him.

"SHOW ME YOUR FUNKY FUNKY DANCE MOVES, LAB PLANTS/CREATURES/AND VARIOUS EQUIPMENT THAT MIGHT BE QUASI-SENTIENT, HEY YOU NEVER KNOW!!!" He fired his guns off. He had to look like he was trying to look like he wasn't faking it. Fortunately for him, chaos came quite naturally. She would later notice, however, that he did no more than wing any living thing that came after him. What was more -- he hadn't even brought a flamethrower. That was love, right there.

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER, WHO I ASSUME BUT IN NO WAY KNOW IS KIND OF HOT!!! I'M ONLY HERE FOR ONE THING!! I DON'T NEED TO DESTROY MORE THAN IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY!!! I DON'T WANT TO KILL MORE...oh jesus, what is that thing..." And that was about when he screamed like a little girl.

Comments

[hostile_experience]

She gives him a gentle squeeze when he leans in. This part was easy. Not emotionally draining. If she hits the emotional moment, they'll end up with something different. She enjoys the time with him.

"That, and there isn't a place in this city a sufficiently determined rat can't get into. If he survives, I'll make sure he gets a reminder of that." The social creatures she's bred for more than a decade will enjoy taking the revenge in a basic animal way.

She wrinkles her nose with a little smile. "I think that people would be surprised to hear that, in a way."

The shifting time throws her a little bit on some level, if only because it annoys her. "Not exactly the same organization, but the one that existed in my timeline/reality. Perhaps kidnapping her was their justice." The alternate timelines definitely give her a headache. "Sounds like something I might be willing to try in my early years."

[what_fourth_wall]

Okay, imagining the Taskmaster developing a paranoia complex because of Nore just brightens his entire day. If he hadn't had a date with her earlier in the week, it would brighten the whole week. He has to laugh at the thought. It only made too much sense, if one thought about it. The one person that could ultimately strike real terror into the Taskmaster's heart would just have to be Deadpool's girlfriend. It would just have to be.

"Oh oh!!! Don't just stop with one reminder!! You've gotta have them randomly go after him, maybe one this week, one next week, then wait a month, and then one a day for five days in a row, and then nothing for a while, and then another..." He looks positively gleeful as he pictures Tasky developing a complex about rats.

He doesn't go so far into his own imaginings that he misses the cute little smile. It was too adorable to miss, actually. There was no physical way to miss it. "I know there are. But they won't ever know my life with you, not too much. And that's fine by me."

For once the discussions of alternate timelines was kind of getting to him too. Maybe she was rubbing off on him. Or maybe he was becoming anchored in her timeline. Now there was a thought. "Oh...huh. I didn't think of it that way. Man, that'd be crazy. Well, as long as they're not still after you. I swear, if shadowy ninja assassin kidnappers interrupt my dreams of cupcakes, lots and lots of cupcakes, I will just go Wayne Brady on some bitches." He pauses, then shrugs. "He's a tougher guy than people give him credit for."

[hostile_experience]

"All it take is one or two, and every little flash of light or hint of movement will scare the crap out of him. Everyone will be shocked by his sudden paranoia. Then one day, it'll actually be one of my rats again. Oh, five years down the line when he starts to feel safe again." Because he killed her rats, and that's just a stupid thing to do.

"Enjoying having a little something you don't have to share with the rest of the world? I know it's part of how I've managed to stay relatively sane." She enjoys that he seems to be developing an appreciation for this.

"I get the Chappele Show reference, and I'm glad. Personally I've had more than enough of a fight for the moment."

[what_fourth_wall]

"Is it too early to say that I love you? No, it is not. Do you want to know why it is not? Because that statement, right there, would make me say I love you no matter what stage our relationship is in. If you had just walked up to me on the street after doing that to Tasky, and I barely knew you, I would kiss you on the mouth and tell you that I loved you." Thinks for a moment. "In this scenario, acquaintance-you is making out better than girlfriend-you. I should fix this, but I'm kind of burninated and bloody and gross. This presents a real dilemma, because that's not fair. You really should expect to get more out of me than acquaintance-you."

He looked about himself with a frown. The leather bindings and holsters of his weapons were intact, but scorched an partially melted. The rest was nude, but so very gross. Half of it was on her now from the hug. Honestly, he was feeling a little bad about that, but she seemed to not care at all, so he could put it aside. He did not, however, want to kiss her with any chance of exchanging grossness. Nope nope nope. Who knew where the men hired to take him out had been? What they were carrying? Mneh. Yeah, that's right. Mneh can be a thought, too.

"I really am. It's nice." He quirks a grin. "I love how you keep up with my pop culture jabs." He nods. "I will do everything I can to keep the fight from getting to you. But when it does, I will always be the one to end it. As long as you don't mind me making a mess."

[hostile_experience]

Give her a minute to process. He just said he loved her and this kid of thing doesn't happen every day. Even if people have been trying to convince her she's loveable lately. "Acquaintance me wouldn't know why you were kissing me and would probably be pissed. Me-me is having a bit of an issue dealing in general, but is still glad you're here. So, I'm going to have to disagree with you on that one. Though, maybe you could use a shower."

That's when she takes his hand and starts to lead him through the now benign lab toward one of the decontamination areas. At least nothing looks like its going to hurt him. Everything moves to give Nore room.

"I don't mind messes. As long as everyone is a live, we can clean it up. Pretty much as a rule. So, don't worry."

[what_fourth_wall]

"Yeah. I could see that. No version of you takes any kind of shit, and that would be me giving you some shit. Oh the glare you'd give me...especially since you're already sorta kinda working on being taken by me. That asshole would be trying to cut in on my date. I'd have to kick his ass."

He takes her hand and walks, just kind of admiring what was once so deadly. He'd wanted to see its deadly side, and he'd gotten quite a bit of it. She was almost like Poison Ivy, only better and with animals. Also, she wasn't crazy. That was an important part. Poison Ivy would be hating him for not being a plant right now. Or..perhaps he would be part plant because of her treatment. Huh. But nope. Besides, if he was a DC character, everyone knew that he'd so totally get paired up with Harley Quinn. It was just obvious. And Tumblr pointed it out repeatedly.

"I'm sorry if this all made it hard to deal." He frowns, most likely missing her point. "I will always be alive, you can count on that." Of course, he doesn't look as happy as he should when he says it. Suddenly, his gaze is just kind of faraway. He lapses into an uncharacteristic silence as they continue to walk.

[hostile_experience]

"Are you getting in a territory fight with a hypothetical version of yourself? Because I'd almost want to see that, but then we'd never get you the fun kind of naked."

The less than deadly animals and plants are already moving out to the places where they had previously evacuated. There's always the chance of another attack, but that was what tertiary defenses are for. She wants a little time focusing on her not exactly boyfriend.

She punches him in the shoulder with her free hand. "Stop it. Moping is not allowed when you're naked and about to go in my shower. You should be hitting on me and trying to get me to follow you in. Not looking like I'm freaked out about this."

[what_fourth_wall]

Wade narrows his eyes, doing a pretty good Fry internet meme impression. "Not sure if hypothetical me is the competition, or just has similar good taste."

When you are doing impressions of memes, you know that the Internet has come full circle. When you are in fact a roleplayed character on the Internet, it becomes even more interesting. For the second time that day, though, that realization makes his head hurt a little. It really is kind of weird, and he doesn't quite know what to make of that. Oh well.

"Hmn?" He glances at her. "Oh! Sorry...wait, you? Freaked out? You aren't, are you? I hope not, because you are so about to have a wet T-shirt." Without giving her time to argue, his face lights up with a manic grin and he pulls her along to the shower, which he jumps in and hits the button to start the water. "Ain't no trying about it, hot stuff."

[hostile_experience]

"Well, I'm good enough to pick out you as the one I want." And she's daring him to argue, and ignoring the fact he reminded her of Futurama for some reason. Must be the after effects of this whole business.

She'd be so much more annoyed if she weren't, you know, disgusting from hugging him and in need of cleaning. Plus he wasn't pouting anymore."I'm not freaked out, though you definitely owe me after that one."

[what_fourth_wall]

"Real me is hotter than hypothetical me. Hypothetical me hasn't been fixed by hypothetical you. They barely know one another. It's kind of tragic."

This narrative department would like to contend that she'd be so much more annoyed if it were anyone but him, but we'll keep that in narration because pointing it out would undermine all of his attempts to just be happy with her without her having to think about it too much. Fortunately, his pouts were always short-lived -- although the thought of outliving her may weigh more and more heavily on him as time goes on if they continue to be so happy together. He isn't willing to give up the superpower that allows him to better protect her when and if she needs it (although she's damn good at that herself), but he does want it gone if he ever gets anything approaching normal with her. The two goals are not exactly compatible, and when they clash, he does become distant. But only briefly, for now. They don't even have a title for what they really are to one another yet - they're still in that fun, ambiguous figuring it out phase.

He's already sudsing up with his back to her. "Yeah, when you say you love someone, no matter how you mean it, you better damn well be willing to back that shit up!" It's his only indication thus far that he actually knows exactly what she's dealing with, even as he plays it off as being no biggie. Every now and then, he seems to let out one line or one hint that he actually has far more insight than the lets on. But his back is to her, so she can have some privacy if it throws her for the briefest of seconds.

[hostile_experience]

"Real you is hotter because you've earned my trust and affection over time. It would still be there even if you were the one with your old face."

The pouting being short lived does help considerably. That and the fact he bar for normality is a bit more forgiving that Deadpool would guess. She's been known to date and be involved with non-humans more frequently than humans. She'll give him space if he needs it, at least as long as it doesn't go too far.

She reaches around his front to get some of the soap and starts scrubbing his back to get the crap of. It's nice to run her hands over his clean skin and think without seeing his face. "You've been willing and able to back up pretty much everything you've said to me."

[what_fourth_wall]

"I know. I think I trust you more because of that, believe it or not."

There are days that having a brain that leaps from thing to thing like a hyperactive squirrel works in his favor! Although he has been known to go through funks. However, she probably won't see as many of those because, well, of her. The closest he came was when he decided to give up friends with benefits, but he ultimately decided that he wouldn't. For once, he actually was able to decide his own mood. It was nice.

He folds his arms agains the wall and leans his head against it to make his back easier to scrub at. She can't see it, but he smiles. Maybe she can hear it in his voice. "I say a lot of things. But when I say things to you, like really say them, well, I only say what I can back up. I don't ever want to disappoint you. I might piss you off, annoy the shit out of you, and hey, we might have those fights you talked about, but the day I disappoint you is the day I..." He trails off. "I dunno. It's a really bad day that I don't want to think about. So I won't do it."

[hostile_experience]

"I believe it. Sometimes it's better to be wanted for who you are."


She takes her time, feeling the muscle under his no longer damaged skin. He's warm and she thinks about taking off her clothing even as she doesn't want to move away. Not while he's talking to her. "You're doing a very good job of not disappointing me so far. You've made me happy. Even when you attack my lab."

[what_fourth_wall]

"Yeah, sometimes." He smiles a little. "And with anyone else, there'd be the fear that they'd run in the other direction if I relapsed. With you...not so much. Trust me hot stuff, if I do...and you're still around...I'm really, really going to need you." Pause, then his smile widens. "For who you are."

As she works at his back, he slowly undoes a clasp here and there, letting weapons fall to the ground to be kicked away. Now that everything is over, they kind of chafe - especially under the water. He isn't worried about the water messing them up, either - the acid and the fire damaged them enough that he'll just replace them. They still work, but that doesn't mean he wants to be out there with messed up looking weapons.

"I have?" He laughs a little at himself "Dumb question I guess. You definitely seem happier in general. And that makes me happy. It's been the goal from the beginning, you know." He's quiet for a few moments. "Did you notice that the only time I caused any real damage was when I was lost it for a bit?"

[hostile_experience]

If his back wasn't sudsy, she'd press her cheek to his skin when he mentions the possibility of a relapse. "When and if that should ever happen, I'll be here to make sure it's a bump in the road rather than a permanent thing. This is personal. For a few reasons."

It's easier to get his skin clean after he gets rid of the weapons and leather rigging. Which she'd say something about replacing, but really? They seem past that at the moment. Or maybe she's just having a mild reaction to the remaining virus in the air.

"Not dumb question. It clearly matters to you." She keeps working, careful around the wounds that still look a little sluggish to return to normal. "After the fire? Yes, I did." She doesn't mention any pulled punches. People not knowing the exact details is a part of her life, after all.

[what_fourth_wall]

He stares at the sudsy water as it splashes down to the tile, his head still resting on his arms. Her work in cleaning his back actually feels really good, like a kind of mild massage. Part of him wonders if her decontamination showers have some sort of light drug or chemical in them that helps. Or maybe it's just nice to not be the one cleaning his own wounds for a change.

"I'm like a signed piece of your art." That brings a proud little smirk to his features. "Thanks, hot stuff. Although I know me, so I'll just give you this heads up - be prepared for me to freak out, even if I have faith in your abilities. A relapse would be proof to me in that moment that I just can't escape the cancer or the fugly or any of it. Aside from needing it for my kind of lifestyle and for helping you, it's the reason I'd be hesitant to ask you to get rid of the healing factor eventually." He sighs a little. "Cancer's in the genes, I guess."

It's only the third time he's actually brought up wanting the healing factor gone, and the first since they'd started to try anything serious. She's smart enough to remember why, or infer it from what he hasn't told her. Spelling it out isn't exactly in either of their natures, at least not yet, and it would require confronting the idea that this could really be heading to a more serious place than just dating. He knows that she isn't comfortable yet going so far down that road -- just getting on the road had been a big leap for her -- but...the hints of what he's considered might serve to make her happy without her having to think about the 'why' too much.

"It does." She's careful enough, and he has a high enough pain threshold by this point, that he doesn't even twitch or hiss when she is close to the deeper wounds. Actually, he reaches around, winces into the wall, and picks out a bullet that lodged itself deeper in there and never came out. Then he turns around and pulls her into his arms and kisses her, wet shirt against his bare chest. He's clean enough now that being gross isn't a concern any more.

"May not be a date," he murmurs, "But I've gone a whole afternoon with you without that. Suddenly didn't feel right."

[hostile_experience]

She shakes her head, not that he can see it, when he mentions that he's a signed bit of art. "The point is not to leave any signature with you. Just to leave you behind without the mess they left. Which leads into you and that panic reaction. You learning a little faith in my ability is bound to take time. Especially after the length of their abandonment. Because cancer isn't in your genes. Not like it was, and never again."

She misses his comment about lack of healing ability in the future. It's too far to think right now, even if this was a bonding experience. She will be slow to change in certain ways. She's had enough time to get set in certain ways not to give over the way he's temporarily convincing. It's obvious Wade is good at the big gestures, but she needs to see if he can manage to have endurance before she buys the things he wants to say. 'Boyfriend' still feels a bit premature to her most pragmatic instincts.

Even when it hurts to see him get the bullet of his wound and the others fight to heal. It's better when he distracts her by pulling her close. Thanks to her own clothes, she feels more of his chest than anything, but that helps make it feel safe as he pulls her in for the kiss where she melts against him.

"Well, I'm not complaining. You're already almost clean. That's good enough for me."

[what_fourth_wall]

Wade sighs a little. "I dunno. They say cancer can be genetic, in the DNA or something. I dunno. But I guess the panic does kind of undermine the whole 'got faith in your ability' thing. That's just me, though. I've got issues, I guess. But you knew I was pretty broken. I think...I just was faced with the prospect of losing whatever chance at 'normal' I have with you, or in general, and...it drove me crazy."

That was about the truth of it, actually. He knew that she didn't care too much if he looked good or if he looked like a tragic burn victim. While that had definitely factored into his overreaction, that wasn't the true core of it. If he was honest with himself, and for once he was - and he was even pretty honest about it out loud without swamping it in insane ramblings - he felt that to backslide to Fugly was to lose everything and start back at square one. He couldn't be normal and just be Deadpool. He wanted to have a real Wade Wilson in there somewhere too, and for the moment that was still tied up with his face. He'd lost his looks once from burning, and he'd been reset to square one once by the death of a wife. That latter wasn't something he talked about terribly often, and not something he'd be likely to bring up around Nore unless she asked because aawwwkwaaard. Either way, both had left him with a deep seated fear that he could never really change his life in meaningful ways, at least not for long.

"Almost. Got some stuff on my chest to work through, but that's easy enough." He just holds her against him as the water pours down, having faith that she didn't have to worry too much about the hot water running out in her lab. She probably had a really cool solar setup for that or something. "Would you like to go out on another date with me, Miss Evans?" Because, really, he hadn't officially asked her on another yet. More technically still, he hadn't asked her one one period, because she had asked last time.

[hostile_experience]

"Yes. The same DNA I had to re-alter to get you to this point. There might be something new, because DNA gets altered in a number of ways, but the old genetic cancers are gone. The other issues you've got to work out, I get. We pick up scars that have nothing to do with logic and sense. You'll get your chance at normal, because that's what I do. Time will prove it to you."

She has every kind of conviction in her voice and face. She's creating ways to cause non-deadly mutations within populations that have suffered too great of bottleneck in their genetic variation. Wade's problem was ugly and personal, but nothing she hadn't had to fight to limit with other populations. The beauty of DNA is that it's universal in Earth's organisms. However complicated his was, whatever other personal issues he had, Nore knows how to use those tools.

There really isn't much, if any concern given the hot water. Heat pollution is one of the side effects of several types of generators, so she uses it to keep her water hot for when she needs it. Which is good given the way he seems content to hold her here with him. "I think I could go for another. You didn't do so much destruction that its lost its appeal." Which she doesn't comment on more thoroughly at the moment because the water and his hold seems lovely. Even with the little bit of gross left.

[what_fourth_wall]

"Oh...wow. You fixed me on the genetic level? Wow. I guess I should have known that, but I didn't realize...damn, you are good!"

The conviction in her as she looked up at him actually did a lot to comfort him. Did it convey any conviction to him as well? Perhaps a little. She was right though - it would take time to really prove it to him, no matter how much he believed in her. The problem wasn't believing in her; it was believing in himself, in his own fate. Wade was an in the moment kind of guy because he didn't put much stock in the future.

He can't help but chuckle a little, even as his eyes widen juust a tiny bit. She's joking, probably, but even the idea that he could do that much destruction (because, let's be honest, he really could) is a frightening thought. "Guess I'll have to work even harder to keep the fight away from your doorstep, because I dunno about you, but I really like the dates." He grins a little. "Much more than the destruction, and I do like destruction."

He rubs her back through the wet material. "This time, you get to pick the place if you want. You still get to pick the time, because I imagine your schedule is more strict than mine."

[hostile_experience]

"Anything else would be temporary and erased the second your immune system began to catch up. I don't do temporary where only permanent will do."

One thing that may end up doing Deadpool a lot of favors in the long run is that Nore tends to be pretty straight forward. Destroy her lab, get revenge and no dates. Damaging it as part of a double cross falls in another, distinct category. Of course, that could backfire if he crosses a line at some point. But, for now, maybe the structure is a good thing.

"Or just don't bring it to my lab. That way you can have destruction and dates. Just not at the same time. Though I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up with some with both on occasion." She smiles back up at him, because, really, she has to with his grin.

"Then it'll be a surprise. Not a fire in the lab surprise, but a good one, for you. If you're leaving it up to me."

[what_fourth_wall]

"Will there be any side effects?" It's a silly question, probably. If there were going to be any, there would have been. And yet, he's curious. Not because he's worried, but because he wants to know what to expect.

What many may not realize is that straight forward actually seems to work really well for him. Give him wiggle room, and he will wiggle. Give him boundaries and consequences he doesn't want, and he will not. Of course, there were many that tried to give him the boundaries. No one yet had possessed any consequences that he cared about, though. Nore was a very special case in that regard.

"I can't promise that it won't ever come here again, but I can promise that it won't be my fault. This time wasn't intentional, but I was the one who made a game of it. And I was the one who ran into the fire. I can also promise that if anyone else brings it here, I'll help with the revenge."

He leans down and gives her a brief but soft kiss again. "A good surprise promised to me by Elenore Evans? I honestly can't wait to see what it is. It's like Christmas, only there's no gift to shake. And study. And poke. And measure. And stare at, pondering the night away."

[hostile_experience]

"The longer it takes to show up, the less like it is for something to go wrong that way." Because she's honest about the potential considering what it could be.

It may or may not help she won't want to keep him if he decides her boundaries are too much. Being a cage is about the last thing she wants, at least as far as a relationship goes. Her standards are what they are, and if it's too much, she won't blame him if he goes.

"That's enough of a promise for me. People will do what they'll do. We will just have to deal with the consequences as they come. Though you may not always want to take part in my vision of revenge. I'll understand."

The kiss makes her smile more. "Now I'm just going to have to do something evil to booby trap any actual present that I give you. Give you something to really find if you prod it too much."

[what_fourth_wall]

"Well, that's good to know. And I still feel like the same me. As long as it didn't render me sterile or anything." He pauses. "Not that I really ever intend to have kids, so I guess that was a weird thing to say."

There is such a small likelihood of that happening that it is pretty well negligible. He likes playing by her rules. It means he gets to stay in her world, and he likes being in her world. Perhaps it may even one day feel like his home base. The crazy can all be out there, and in here he can just relax with her.

"There is nothing too depraved for me not to want to take part in. I'm pretty flexible that way. Although you may want less than what I would do, so I'd have to work to restrain myself."

He reaches up to touch her cheek. The smiles were just becoming infectious now. "You know that'll only encourage me, right?"

[hostile_experience]

That surprises her, but she doesn't dwell on the surprise. She can be Nore the doctor. "Nothing I did should effect your quality or viability of sperm. So, not sterile unless your body is throwing some serious curveballs."

It isn't the first time Nore has been the sane, more or less, in the middle of the storm. She has a gift for it, and if it gives him something good back, a safe place to let some of it drain away, well, she'd rather like that. Even if she couldn't admit it at the moment. Perhaps even more so for that.

"I do not, generally, consider myself a cold person. When it gets to something like this? I do go cold and cruel. There's no reason for it to put you off if we can avoid it."

"If I thought you were easily put off, I wouldn't be here right now. Or, more accurately, you wouldn't be."